Make me Better...

Open sore in my chest, lump they call it a broken heart
feels more like a clot with alcohol on it.
Cause just like a cloth no blood running throw it.
This is hard.
To decipher...how a measure...of our
Body made with 75% or higher..of water,
but in me burns like a raging fire...
and I'm wondering how tears come from ashes,
Ringing out these flakes...of something that just dont exist no more..
they say its purity...flames is the best way to cleanse and refine, I've felt dirty...
Ionno if its guilt or shame or just that we aint on even ground no more,
held me high ..he said...but i feel lesser....ground he walked on so no surprise if my face is in the mud...
Most organic...say your humble this low, felt like I got knocked down from never being raised up, expected too much...yup...expectations and disappointment go hand in hand like...
mine went in yours til it slipped out...
I aint too good, but he should have loved me better.
I aint too good, but he should have loved me better.
I aint too good, but he should have loved me better.
What's worse is...love, as much as I don't want center everything around it
I know the center of my life, and purpose was built around it
Like life...no choice to play, but you can choose to scape out
either way, we all get to comitt murder and homicide...
don't play right and you get judged...so harsh....
How can you hate what still loves you.
love still loves who?
Love loves love and thats it.
Love don't love me.
How can we own what slaves us. Sets us free if we play its rules.
How dare you question God?
How dare I question God.
God is love, and they say love don't last for every
but He is infinite, and if I pray to Him and what He has [love]
for me...
makes me wonder how I been breaking His heart....
while stressing that finite man...breaks mine.
I ain't too good, God loves me better.
I ain't too good, to let God love me better.
I aint, too good, God, please love me better....
Please give me better. Please send me better.
Please...teach me better. Please...help me....

This is Where a Super hero goes when she needs to cry

Damn.

That's an interesting word to begin a blog with.

I don't know where to start. So I type until my fingers callous and I said all that I don't want to say. I refuse to hold anything inside. Baggage is for flights and flights only, and if there are no clothing items than I dont need to have it.

Today made it official, that he pacekd his things and he left. Going to stay with his friend Cody for a few days to decide what to do. So long as he isn't calling me to cry and beg again, then I am fine.

I can't pretend like I am not hurt. I am. And I am disappointed. More so in myself then him. I can't control him, I can control me. And I went spinning out of it for the last yr. This not to say that everything has been shambles. It hasnt... it really hasnt...just sucks thats all. You assume you give your heart in such a high capacity you could..really get something in return.

It's funny, I make this unequal investment, and get surprised when I turn up bankrupt, little to no interest...and lost mine.

I cried til my head hurt.

Either I am changing on not in the mood to talk, cause even in a blog I'm having this hard time pouring my heart out...